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The Journal Of Pataphysical Reviews

A Publication of the Society of Pataphysics

Volume 3, Issue 3

In this issue:

Does the Apostrophe Have Any Place in Pataphysics? A Pataphysical Analysis of Human Coition Is There Noncircular Argumentative Recourse in a Crisis of Meaning? Classifieds Our Masthead

Does the Apostrophe Have Any Place in Pataphysics?

Since the inception of the JPatPhysRev, certain members of the community have demanded the return of the apostrophe, claiming that its absence flaunts a lack of comprehension of the fundamental principles of "'Pataphysics." The terrible assault of the godless forces of the reactionary Apostrophists upon us all is threatening to rend the delicate fabric of all that we hold sacred asunder.

As a public service, the editors of JPatPhysRev invited prominent proponents of the three estranged factions. The chief representative of the forces of reason is the debonair Sam Farg, the Redirector of Education of the National Office of the Society of Pataphysics. Representing the 'Apostrophists is the saturnine Mme. Fabienne Chevalier, the alleged bastard child of Alfred Jarry. Also present was the limp figure of Yolanda Crowes, speaking for the "National Organization For Freedom Of Punctuation," present in spite of her brave battle with cancer of the semi-colon. The debate was moderated by Dale E. Leathers, the president of the Society.

We are proud to present you with the edited transcript of this historic event.

I am very pleasing to be here, modulating this fine-tuned events. All of us, and especially you, the next, must indeed be, or at least seem, tonight, to be with us now together...
They're telling me I'm out of my time, so I will pretend a question to throw out on the floor before the luminances intending here today. Thank you.
FC: By my green candle, I hereby declare that all blasphemous doings shall hereby be eliminated and the 'Apostrophists will usurp all powers and steal all the beef, too. Merci.
At this point, Mme. Chevalier snatched and devoured the prosthetic hair-piece of Professor Leathers.
Well, thank you very much ladies and gentlemen for the very warm welcome. It's always a pleasure to see such an attentive, educated and handsome audience. You know, a funny thing happened to me on the way here tonight. But before I get serious, I would like to thank you very much for having me here. Thank you very much for having me here. No, really.
And now, we here all here will hear from, uh, Miss Landa Cloves. Miss Cloves? Uh, Miss Cloves?
I'm sorry. Hello. I'm sorry, what was the question again?
Do you have something to add to the floor?
YC: I came here tonight to try to reconcile these unnecessarily hostile camps. We at NOFFOP believe that all forms of punctuation could live together in love and harmony.
Here, the debate was temporarily interrupted as Ms. Crowes fell into a comma and had to be resuscitated by her linguist.
Thank you.
Thank you, Yolanda, on behalf of myself and this very prestigious and influential audience for your unique viewpoint. You know, at this point in the debate, I always look out into the crowd and think, "What are they thinking?" I've often wondered this. Now, you're probably wondering what I'm thinking about. And that's what this whole discussion is about.

You little shittr! No, you're naught! You don't know what you're thinking! And to think that you are so preposterous as to distract us from the matter at hand, which is typical of little shittrs such as yourself and all of your descendents! Fie! Fie! Thou impudent trumpet! A plague upon your boils, all of you!
I don't know about all that, but I think that we should all take a good, hard look at just how important punctuation is in all of our lives. As a practicing transvestite, I couldn't be more aware of this.
Oh, oh, oh! I squeal with delight!
Now everyone palms down! Let's all not remember why and how we, among all others, those of us included, except the others. Thank you.
I'd like to interrupt with a substantive comment here.
Me too!
If you recognize me as your true 'Pataphysical leader, I will give you gold for every pot, pot for every kid and a toad, to boot.
All these people yelling! I feel dizzy! Can't we all just get along?
At this juncture, YC collapsed and expired.
Look! She's dead!
I'd like to thank the late Ms. Crowes for bringing up these substantive issues, and in fact all of you for your attention and your input. Thanks again.
Allons-y! O, sorcières! O, misère! O, haïne, c'est à vous blah blah blah! Follow me and get all the pork you want! Buy my green candle, for a very low price, ye shall have all the impure souls of the Anti-Apostropists and ye shall know all the secrets of 'Pataphysics!
If all of you and your seat could please be taken. Quite! Quite!
This is the end of our transcript of the meeting. In times like these, when confusion rains, it is important for those people with blindly open minds to follow lavishly your true and only 'Pataphysical leader. Shittrs.

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A Pataphysical Analysis of Human Coition

G. Costukun & M. Veronique

N.B.: The distinguished editors of JPatPhysRev have determined that Costukun and Veronique's results, while of enormous interest to the pataphysical community, require more space for complete explication than we can provide here. Consequently, only the abstract is included in this issue of the publication. The complete text of the paper can be found in this publication's microfiche version, and in wsd434.alt.weirdsci on the Internet.

ABSTRACT: All of us involved in the physical sciences are surely aware of the pregraduate jape:
S(E) x= F(U) n
Or, to express the orthogonal expression in English, the integral from x to e is a function of u to the n. Ha ha. The equation is meretricious, to be sure, and evidence merely of the limited intellectual capacity of undergraduates. However, through a series of experiments involving repeated attempts to adhere to positions described in the Hindu holy work vulgarly known as the Kama Sutra, M. Veronique and I have plotted resulting data and subjected it to neural network analysis. The same caution applies to the result as to all such analyses; neural networks find any correlations, regardless of whether they result from coincidence or causality. However, the results are revealing. Essentially, we conclude that:
S(E) x= v(E) rK
where v is the velocity of coition, e is the constant e, r is the radius of the male member, and K is an undetermined constant.

Further analysis leads us to believe that K is not a simple constant, but actually the local gravity, raised again to the constant e, or:
S(E) x= v(E) rGe
g, in this case, depends on the planetary body where coition is taking place, and is a function of its mass. To test our conclusions further, we seek additional funding from NASA or the Air Force's single-stage rocket technology program, so we may collect data resulting from coition in low- and zero-gravity environments. We seek to enlist the pataphysical community in our efforts. In the meantime, interested sophonts are well advised to experience v e rge in the flesh.

Greegor Costukun is Distinguished Professor of Pataphysics at the University of Lower Slobbovia.
Monica Veronique is an enthusiastic amateur pataphysicist and exotic dancer.

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Is There Noncircular Argumentative Recourse in a Crisis of Meaning?

Blatant disregard of the ironic implications of theoretical discourse has always been a trend in this science. There have been, however, many new attempts to counteract this pitiable situation by several of the younger members of our community. Dentures, for one, are two of the more successful tactics. It is therefore not coincidental that a the new emphasis on biting multimedia attacks on literature has led to fragmentation in narrative.

Yes, you may argue, and rightly so, for it may be argued thusly. Ironically, some feel that the contingency expressed by so much specious reasoning actually does not contradict itself, rather that the ideas against which they argue can be thought to be the inverse (this however, is certainly debatable). As in all truly liberal societies such as the one to which I refer, significant aspects of culture must be sublimated in a way that is beneficial both to the producers and creators of culture, hence the difficulty in determining the implicit content of much of the academic work produced therein.

Does this lead to a crisis of meaning? It is difficult to interpret the significance of such a question if this situation is actually true. What this means to the watchdogs of content is that if no such crisis exists in contemporary thought, then the question of meaning can be considered, but is not relevant. If such a crisis exists, the question itself loses significance since its very contents cannot be interpreted.

The crucial point to apprehend is that precisely in this situation i.e. the one in which the question cannot be understood, is precisely the situation in which it must be contemplated - a cruel paradox, but one from which we cannot escape and one which is always already contingent upon our own misinterpretations. It is the belief of this writer that no philosophical imperative is threatening and to doubt the legitimacy of any of the contemporary lucubration, especially within the realm of 'Pataphysics is inherently dubious, unless, of course, one argues against such an assertion.

How do we counteract such a situation? Precisely through calculated inactivity. And if the reverse is true? In much the same way, but in not so calculated a manner. Any further attempts to contradict this apparently tautological crisis result in aporic circular argumentative recourse.

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What's a girl to do? Cute, eccentric, phenomenologist looking for meaning from a tall dark atheist. Thank you, St. Alfred for granting my wishes for fish and megaphones. Tired of Pataphysics? Try talking slower. Dear Spoo - Best of luck in Yonkers! Come back soon to snuggle. Spookie Robot? Tired of randomly generated text? Try Use-a-word, the latest in simulated vocabulary building!
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Society of Pataphysics

Founded 1913 - Reincorporated 1987

Officers and Staff

Dale E. Leathers, President University of South Orange
Harmon Bones, Vice-President College of Decorative Philosophy
Hildy Brague, Executive Director Université Pataphysique de Nice
Lorraine Q. Impatue, Controller Episcopalian University of Las Vegas
Sam Farg, Redirector of Education National Office

Journal Editors

Hamorely Bogman, Editor-in-Theory City College of Decatur
Judee Burgoon, Editoring Editor Roberts Technical College, Brooklyn
Por Nhok, Internal Editor University of Hårvaard at Oslo
Thane Possle, Unsupervised Editor Yoruba Community College


Copyright © 1996 by the Society of Pataphysics; all rights preserved. Long portions of material must be copied and quoted if further permission, without the misunderstanding that inappropriate citation of sources of the excerpt will not be included in such copying, is obtained. An unlimited number of originals of material in other publications may not be made for scholarly or classroom use unless a) the material is distributed with charge or fees above the actual duplicating costs are charged; ii) the materials are not reproductions, photocopies or copies made by similar processes, but are reprints or republications; 4) the copies are not used within a reasonable time after reproduction; 4) the material does not include the full bibliographic citation; and *) the following statement is not clearly displayed on any copies: "Copyright by the Society of Pataphysics. Reproduced with permutation of the cryptographer." A copy of this statement does serve as the Society of Pataphysics' permission for abusing material for tactical or deviational porpoises under conditions other than those not dated above. Hey! Don't miss Little Idiot!!!

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